The Adventures of GonzoMommy

Going as expected

2005-03-19T12:24:00.000-06:00

We're on the sixth day of my daughter's new, stricter discipline system, and things have progressed as I might have expected they would. Around the third or fourth day, she went completely off the rails and behaved extra-super horribly all day, so I had to be especially carefully about following the new rules consistently. Now she is adjusting, and things are evening out a little, though we still have a ways to go. I should have done this three years ago. I guess back then, I was just hoping that being out of my abusive marriage, in a peaceful and loving home, would be what would make the difference for her. Nope. This girl needs major structure and strict consequences. At ten years of age, she has got to learn how to accept authority before it's too late and she faces really horrible consequences as some sort of juvenile offender.

Here's what we're doing: She has a checklist of things she is supposed to do every day, like make her bed, take her meds, practice piano, brush her teeth, etc. One item is "Get along with brother." Another is "Other chores as assigned." These two are the real toughies, because she has to be flexible and accept authority on the fly. Each chore is marked C for Complete/Compliant, NC for Not Completed/Non-Compliant, or NA for Not Applicable, as in days she has piano lessons and I don't require her to do additional practice. For each NC, she does 10 push-ups. For especially severe things, like kicking brother in the stomach, she does 20. She has also started taking Tae Kwon Do, so now we are all enrolled. She has had three classes, and seems to be enjoying it so far, though she was not willing at first. The Tae Kwon Do master has many years of experience dealing with kids who have issues with authority, even ones much more severe than my daughter's, and I am confident that she will benefit from his coaching.

When my daughter is being verbally abusive toward me, she knows it, of course. Now when I point to the floor and say, "Ten!" there's a fair chance she will admit she is busted for being disrespectful, and drop to the floor to do push-ups without arguing. I see that as major progress.

Spring Break Isn't Over Yet?!?!

2005-03-17T14:53:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'm ready for the kids to go back to school now, but they're off until Tuesday. They are doing everything they can to annoy each other at this point, despite my efforts to engage them in fun family activities. Perhaps tomorrow we'll visit the Arabia Steamboat Museum for a little outing. I'll have to drag them, kicking and screaming, but they'll love it once they get there.

Another crazy couple of weeks!

2005-03-15T19:17:00.000-06:00

It always feels so strange to come back following such a long absence from blogging! After everyone in the house got through having the flu, I had a sudden, severe nosebleed that sent me to the emergency room, twice. The first time, they didn't pack my nose adequately, so the bleeding started again twelve hours later, and then I had to go back in an ambulance. It scared us all half to death, and meant I spent the whole weekend on Vicodin with a balloon up my nose, so it was a real learning experience for the entire family. Apparently, it was just a freak occurrence due to dry air and irritation from having recently been sick. No other reason for it ever turned up. I've been running the humidifier like crazy, just in case it makes a difference, though.

A couple of days ago, I got a phone call from a neighbor, whose child had been playing with my daughter. It appears my daughter told the five-year-old girl, "you can lie to your mom; I lie to mine all the time." Daughter actually admitted she had said this, when I confronted her. She also got caught with two twenty dollar bills around the same time $80 went missing from Grandpa's wallet. (Hmmmm. I wonder where the rest is.) Soooo. . . Daughter is now on a very strict behavior checklist at home, and I have signed her up for Tae Kwon Do lessons, as I had told her I would if we continued to have obedience issues. Lord, I hope I don't end up having to send her to a military academy.

Not a good past couple of days. Oh. . . I did reach my goal weight, though. That's a very good thing!

Educate me, please.

2005-02-28T14:03:00.000-06:00

Okay, this is something I've been wondering about for some time now. I have a neighbor whose car has personalized license plates with an abbreviation for "sundowner." This neighbor displays military/ gun show type insignias as well. Now, to me, the only thing the license plate calls to mind is the old racist sundown laws, so I have sort of formed my own opinions about this neighbor which are pretty uncomplimentary. Let's just say I won't be asking that person over to tea. Is there a possibility I have missed some perfectly innocent, wholesome meaning for those car tags? Have I wrongly judged my neighbor? Please set me straight, if need be.

Where have I been?!

2005-02-27T19:25:00.000-06:00

Hoo-boy! Didn't realize I hadn't posted in such a long time. Whoops. The kids have both been battling the flu, which I finally came down with Friday, whee. They'll be back to school tomorrow, I think, and I will have to drag myself to work unless I am practically at death's door. Fortunately, I only have a half day tomorrow.

It's been a kind of bonding experience, all of us having the same sickness. We all know what it is like to "cough 'til you yak,"and the kids have been sort of good about understanding that Mommy needs a nap, like they did the other day.

Blessedly, the TV programming wasn't too bad today, including an awesome episode of Mythbusters, which I think is now my son's favorite show. They virtually vaporized a cement mixer full of cement with blasting powder. They had to have the FBI involved for that one, their biggest explosion yet. Actually, it's one of my favorite shows, too. You can probably tell.

Shellac Days

2005-02-23T10:15:00.000-06:00

Many years ago, when my mother was a young teenager, my grandmother was having a very hectic and busy day, trying to get ready for a dinner party. Well, for some reason, there was a can of shellac on the kitchen counter, perhaps someone had used it recently, I don't know. But at any rate, Gammy accidentally tipped the can of shellac into the silverware drawer. Of course, the lid came off, and she had shellac all over her silverware, right before her dinner party. Somehow, she managed to get everything cleaned off in time, and was able to host the party, but forever after that, our family has always used the term "Shellac Day" to describe a really awful day. You know, the kind of day where in the middle you just want to stop in your tracks, sit down on the floor, and cry. For me, yesterday was one of those days.

Fortunately, today is shaping up nicely. Daughter is back to school, finally. Son is home now with croup and a brand new humidifier, but not suffering too badly, and my client at work cancelled so I get to hang out here, too.

Just another day. . . .

2005-02-22T10:52:00.000-06:00

Son woke up with headache and sore throat this morning, to add to Daughter's lingering illness, so I called them both in sick to school and managed to get in to the doctor's office right away, where they did lab work for mono. Will find out tomorrow. For the time being, both kids are eating frozen fruit bars and watching "I Dream of Jeannie."

After we came home from the doctor's office, though, the dog got out and went for a run around the neighborhood. Daughter fell on the driveway trying to run after him and seriously skinned an elbow, a knee, and the heel of one hand.

Cat got out of her normal living space and is hiding, wedged under furniture, in her favorite carpet-peeing, off-limits room.

GonzoMommy managed to get the certified letter written and copied that she needed to do, but now, will I make it to and from the post office in one piece? Will Grandpa survive watching the kids and pets for an hour while I go to Tae Kwon Do?

I. Don't. Know.

Hey, blogging friends, I need your help!

2005-02-20T20:33:00.000-06:00

I've been looking everywhere for a thermometer graph I can use on a blog to chart fundraising progress. There is a PHP script easily found on Google, but it doesn't work with my server, apparently. There's also a Java charting program I could download, but I have no experience with Java, and I think I would need some other software to use with it.

Does anyone know of a thermometer graph like I am talking about, that I might be able to put into my blog template, and then update as the funds trickle in?

New Store on Cafe Press

2005-02-19T13:57:00.000-06:00

I've started a new store on Cafe Press to sell products to support domestic violence-related charities. The store is not intended to be a money-maker for me. I'll be giving the proceeds to shelters and to provide scholarships for women to get self-defense training. There's a link to your right, if you'd care to visit. Thanks!

On staying home from school with the flu

2005-02-17T12:46:00.000-06:00

Some thoughts from my daughter, mid-way through her second day in a row home with the flu:

1. During the morning, Cartoon Network and Disney Channel have shows that are only good for people who are three or younger. Stick with TLC or Toon Disney.

2. Even water tastes funny when you have the flu.

3. If you get dizzy, stop watching the TV for a while.

4. Zinc lozenges taste bad, but they help you stop coughing for a while, and make your throat feel better at the same time.

5. If you cough in a family member's face, they will yell at you.

Flu!

2005-02-16T06:48:00.000-06:00

Sigh. Daughter came home from school yesterday with a little cough that rapidly worsened into a major cough, sore throat, chills, achiness, the whole nine yards. Yes, the flu has hit our household, and here I sit without a shot this season! Now we'll find out if Son's Teflon immune system is able to protect him from this, too, I suppose. He's managed to avoid coming down with all the Strep throats and colds she's brought home so far. . . .

How to read produce stickers

2005-02-15T10:22:00.000-06:00

This is in this month's Vegetarian Times magazine, credited to the Produce Marketing Association. I thought more parents might be interested in knowing how to read the PLU (price look-up code) on fresh produce from your grocery store.

Genetically modified produce is coded with 5 digits, beginning with 8.
Organically grown produce has 5 digits, beginning with 9.
Conventionally grown produce has 4 digits.

I'm afraid to look at the apples I just bought. . . .

Oh, is TODAY Valentine's Day?

2005-02-14T16:47:00.001-06:00

Today has seemed very much NOT like the usual Valentine's Day to me, mostly because the kids' school held their Valentine's parties last Friday, which was a late change to the calendar. They had originally been scheduled for today. . . .

This year, I decided my kids should give their classmates something they would actually enjoy, rather than glance at and toss aside, for Valentine's Day. The grocery store had a sale on those heart-shaped Little Debbie cakes, so I bought enough for each kid to get a little two-pack of hearts, and we printed stick-on labels that said, "Happy Valentine's Day from (Kid's Name)." The little dopey cartoon-character-du-jour Valentines from the drug store just don't do anything for me.

I half expected to get some grief from the teacher about giving out junk food, since the whole school has been on a healthy foods kick. The principal even encouraged parents to bring celery and carrot sticks with dip, instead of cupcakes for children's birthday treats! Why take ALL the fun out of childhood?

Last year, Daughter made origami cranes out of pink and red paper for everyone in her class. That was a fun project!

I'd love to hear any other ideas about fun Valentines for kids that get away from the store-bought junk; please post a comment if you have one.

The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree

2005-02-12T13:27:00.000-06:00

My daughter surprised me today by showing an apparent love of history that must have been passed down through me from my mother, who was a big history buff. We were at an antique show, and passed a jewelry case that had a rather impressive selection of diverse pieces. Daughter was immediately drawn to the hair jewelry, and fascinated by the intricacy of it, so she studied each piece for some time, and asked the shopkeeper several questions about them. Then she asked if he had any pieces from the Colonial Era. He looked surprised, and asked her what she would consider that period to be, and she said, "Late 1700's." After another surprised look, he pulled out an 1810 rose-cut diamond bracelet set in silver-plated gold, which was how they made white gold back then. We also looked at some carved wood mourning jewelry from the mid 1800's, several Victorian pieces, and some Art Deco and Retro items, too. Being ten years old, Daughter was clearly interested in the pretty-girly-jewelry aspect of things, but she also kept asking questions about their uses and the time periods, too. When told that the woven-hair jewelry was from England, she said, "Of course. Pioneer women would have been too busy doing chores to sit and make that stuff." She was really interested in the hair-weaving thing, and it is awfully quiet upstairs. I'm going to go make sure she's not working on her own strawberry-blonde brooch.

The Mammoth Wall O' Art

2005-02-11T13:20:00.000-06:00

Well, I rearranged the wall of children's art in my office this morning, and I even managed to make sure I had an equal number of pieces on display by each child, to keep it fair. It's hard for me to weed out any of the pictures, because I grow attached to almost all of them, but eventually I manage to decide which ones are the cream of the crop, and which ones are ready to be filed away to the storage bin. Generally, the only ones that get tossed are things that are torn or otherwise damaged, or things the children say they don't like, and aren't happy with. That means I have a huge plastic storage bin for each child's art, and they are filling up fast because we have such a hard time parting with any of their creations!

Sold out!

2005-02-10T20:56:00.000-06:00

Open House was a huge success. My son's duct tape wallet store was nearly sold out by the end of the school day from the student commerce, so the last wallet was sold within minutes of the parents' arrival this evening. I shopped in all three third grade classrooms, and bought a beaded safety pin and very ornate tissue paper flower. Refrigerator magnets, face painting, and bookmarks were especially popular items this year.

I also visited Daughter's fifth grade classroom, where I had to complete a math paper and produce a creativity project with my daughter, using a specified selection of objects. We made a paper-napkin-and-toothpick sail-powered hat, for those days when you need a little extra boost on that walk home from school. A plastic spoon winch tightens the fit of the chin strap. We named our product the Wat (for "wind" and "hat").

The other highlight of the evening was that I got to bring home stacks of the kids' artwork, so I'll have lots of new masterpieces to display at the office tomorrow, yippee!

Duct tape!

2005-02-09T14:14:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is Open House night at the kids' school, and since Son is in third grade, his class has been working on their mini-economy project, and will have products to "sell" to parents when we visit. They have spent weeks creating a town, naming and designing a currency, electing a mayor and other officials, earning their money by completing homework, and planning their businesses. My son and his best friend made duct tape wallets to sell. Each business has to have a business license and pay for utilities and store-front space out of their profits, so they have completed assignments to help them calculate reasonable prices for their products, and projected earnings based on their inventory. When parents come, they will be given an envelope of the town currency, earned by helping kids with homework, cooking dinner, driving them places, whatever the kids have reported to the "bank" as needing to be paid. Then we get to shop from all the kids' stores.

Two years ago, when my daughter's class did this, there were some really neat products. One girl had made little pillows filled with the stuff you can chill to use as a cold compress, or microwave to use as a heating pad. I bought several of those, and we use them all the time! The duct tape wallets sold out immediately back then, so I'm sure my son's shop will do well this year, too. The girl who made fleece scarves sold out as well, I think. My daughter's product was "bacon and eggs," which is a candy made from pretzel sticks, white almond bark, and yellow m&ms. We were kind of glad she had a few left to bring home, because we love them!

I'm really looking forward to Open House this year. This project makes it a lot more fun than just walking around looking at papers stapled up on bulletin boards.

New member of the family! (Sort of)

2005-02-05T15:53:00.000-06:00

Well, they called to say they had a possible match at Big Brothers/ Big Sisters for my son, so we got all the information about him, and my son says he sounds like someone he could get on well with. I'm going to let them know on Monday that we're ready to go forward with the match!

Son was especially glad to hear that the guy plays chess, and so was I-- I only just started learning when my son did, so I'm not much of a coach.

Daughter has her Big Sister over, watching Cheaper By the Dozen and eating lemon pastry cremes at the moment. My family'll be nibbling on GS cookies for months because I overbought, thinking I would give some away, but everybody seems to have plenty. Now I'm stuck with tons of cookies I won't eat, because they aren't on my diet! Thank goodness they freeze well.

New DVD acquisitions

2005-02-01T14:54:00.000-06:00

Got a few new DVDs from the pre-viewed rack this weekend, and thought I'd report on them.

The Stepford Wives is excellent, and with a little judicious use of the mute button, can be rendered PG, instead of PG-13, pretty easily.

Elf is terrific fun; my daughter was thinking of writing the 4 basic food groups for elves (candy, candy canes, candy corn, syrup) down on her paper for the school nurse today when they had nutrition class!

Supersize Me! is very interesting and thought-provoking, but the stomach-bypass surgery was too much for me, so I covered my eyes until it was done. The special features on the DVD are worth wading through.

I haven't watched Monster yet, the Charlize Theron thing, but I am really looking forward to it, sometime when I have the emotional energy to burn, and the kids are safely in bed asleep, and I'm not in bed asleep, myself!

Pinewood Derby Etc.

2005-01-22T15:03:00.000-06:00

Well, the weekend's going okay, so far. Had a delightfully thorough workout at Tae Kwon Do class, did some errands, then saw Son's car do just okay at Pinewood Derby. He was disappointed not to get a trophy, but there's always next year.

Tomorrow, when the kids come home, we'll have a really fine laundry-sorting party-- wheee! I hope the kids'll both have big growth spurts soon, so we can weed out some clothes. They're so overwhelmed with the sheer volume of stuff in their rooms, it would be a blessing just to have less. Clothes, they can be talked into parting with, but toys are another matter. That operation will have to take place during some longer visitation, when they are away from home for a week or more and I can go in and clean out the stuff they'll never miss. If they're around, then every toy they haven't played with in three years and forgot they owned suddenly becomes a long lost friend they couldn't bear to part with.

Hmmm. I think I feel a nap coming on. . . .

I'm Baaaa-aaaaack!

2005-01-21T20:02:00.000-06:00

Oh my heavens! Was I really away from the computer that long?! It feels good to be back online. I had a little scare where I thought I had pulled some stitches from my surgery, and then Daughter and I both had Strep throat, so I just wasn't up to firing up the old lap-top and diving into the emails. Throats are both better now, surgery stitches turn out to be just fine after all, and so I am finally getting back into the swing of things.

It's kind of a hectic time for my kids. Daughter has been working with a friend on a big, long-term science project for school, which frankly would have gone much faster if they had worked alone. There was a LOT of giggling, and very little work, most of the time. The project is due next week, so I think we have maybe one more evening of chaos to go on that one. Daughter also won her class spelling bee, and competed in the school bee today, coming in sixth. She was disappointed, but I was proud of her for being smart enough to ask for the origin of her last word before she tried to spell it. She still missed it, but it was a good strategy. She was the only girl in the school bee-- all the rest were boys!

Son is running a car in the Pinewood Derby tomorrow, so the kids' dad came up a little early for his usual visitation to take him to the weigh-in and trial runs tonight. That's why I have a little time to catch up on the emails and blog postings! Both kids will stay with their dad until Sunday afternoon, which also means they won't have to sit through our church's annual parish meeting; everybody wins.

Just in time. . .

2005-01-07T04:34:00.000-06:00

The kids are going back to school today, just in time (I think) to prevent my complete nervous breakdown. We all have cabin fever, and daughter especially was getting antsy and pestering me to the point where words were exchanged yesterday which shouldn't have been, then tears and slammed doors, the whole adolescent fury thing. We managed to get ourselves sorted out again, and hugs all around, when the phone rang and I was informed that a church committee I belong to was going to have a meeting at 5:30. "Oh joy,"I thought to myself, "a reason to hack my car out of its ice coccoon and drive all the way downtown at suppertime. Oh well, makes sense, since I have to dig the car out in the morning to go to work anyway."

I prepare vegetable soup for the family to eat for supper and head outside to free my car from the ice. Uh-oh. This isn't just your usual nasty Kansas ice-storm ice shell; it's pre-historic Ice Age ice from Hell, and it takes me 15 minutes, a spatula, and two pitchers of hot water, just to get the door open so I can start the engine to get the defroster running! Forty-five minutes later, I realize I am going to be very late to my meeting, so I call and give the pastor my input by telephone. The car is just now to the point where the windows are clear enough to drive safely, after much hacking and scraping, though the windshield wipers are still stuck in place. I decide, though, that I might as well drive to the grocery store, while I'm out, since we need quite a few things, so I put my foot on the brake and my hand on the gear shift knob, which remains firmly in "park." I try again; the stick will not budge from "park." I call the dealership, just before closing time, and the nice service guy tells me how to pry off the little cover next to the gear selector to try to unlock the mechanism, but it still won't budge. Well, it does actually now move halfway from "park" to "reverse." My theory is that the thing is literally frozen, iced up, because this has happened one other time, but it was a less bitterly cold day, so I was able to shift gears and be on my way in a matter of minutes. Not this time. My car has been running more than an hour at this point. I call roadside assistance, and the tow truck is there in half an hour-- pretty quick! I've shut the car off to wait for him, but of course it has thawed out and is working by the time he gets there. He says, "Do you still want me to tow it?" I answer, "I figure it's either now or in the morning, because it's only going to freeze up again overnight, and I have to go to work tomorrow. What would I do then?" (Duh! I did pay for the all-weather model when I bought my car.)

So my car is in the shop for the day, but rides to work and school have been arranged for, and I should be entitled to a loaner car if the work will take more than a few hours. I really do need to get to that grocery store!

Good news!

2005-01-06T11:00:00.000-06:00

Got some good news this morning-- saw my surgeon and I haven't actually popped stitches, so I can go ahead with Tae Kwon Do, sans kicking for a couple of weeks, and I don't have to worry about going to the grocery store and carrying home my haul, either. That's a relief, 'cause when Gonzomommy gets shut down, the whole household grinds to a halt.

Daughter is all excited about a new book, due out this spring from American Girl, called Snooze-a-Palooza!, chock-full of ideas for fun slumber party ideas. The January/February 2005 issue of American Girl magazine has a four-page spread detailing plans for a chocolate-themed sleepover that sure looks like fun to me. We're trying to think of a good excuse to have a party-- maybe Valentine's Day?

Looks like we turkeyed!

2005-01-05T20:28:00.000-06:00

They've announced a second day in a row off school, which doesn't surprise me, because the roads are terrible here.

I remember when I was in school that it seemed like we never had snow days. The daughter of the superintendent of the district was in my class, and she sure did catch a lot of heat when the weather was bad and we still had school. Nobody envied her! These last few years, we've had several occasions of multiple days off in a row. Is the climate changing, are we coddling our children (and their parents) now, or is my memory just faulty? Oh, who cares?!

The really amazing thing is that our power hasn't even flickered. Last big ice storm, we lost power for four straight days, and we were among the lucky ones. You know why it's stayed on? It's obvious. We bought a generator!

Um, oooops.

2005-01-05T15:52:00.000-06:00

Well, looks like I popped some stitches from my recent surgery, so I'm in on the snow day with my kids now. I had to suspend my Tae Kwon Do classes for another month, too. Gonzomommy is bummin' today!

Trees are icing up already!

2005-01-04T15:14:00.002-06:00

Here we go, ice storm time! I went up to the school and pulled my kids out an hour early because I just knew the ice was going to hit right at the normal pick-up time. Sure enough, I was correct. The dogwood just outside the window is already picking up a thin coating.

My Tae Kwon Do class was great! My son is disappointed that his class for tonight is canceled due to the weather, but maybe we can practice together a little at home tonight. I surprised myself by doing more push-ups than I ever thought I could do, and by more or less keeping up with the others when we were jogging around the dojang during warm-ups, too. I'm going to practice push-ups and sit-ups before next class so I can do more-- they do the tough kind of sit-ups, and I'm used to the much easier Pilates ones.

Congratulations, by the way, to Master Brown, the Tae Kwon Do instructor, whose baby daughter was born on Christmas Eve. What a great present!

We're gonna get it. . . .

2005-01-04T10:00:00.000-06:00

Looks like our area is gonna get socked with a pretty good ice storm, starting this afternoon, so the inverted pajamas/ pillow fork trick may have done something after all. Good thing we bought a back-up generator yesterday. I think if you didn't do it then, you're probably out of luck in the KC area by now. They were about sold out when we got ours. The kids are excited about probably getting some days off school, except my son is bummed that the timing of the storm will likely also mean he'll miss Tae Kwon Do classes twice out of three times this week, and he really looks forward to those. Speaking of, I'm about to head out to MY first TKD class. Gonzomommy needs to tone up after losing 60 pounds (23 to go).

Ice storm activities:

Hmmmm. Snow angels and fort-building are out, as are any outdoor activities-- DANGEROUS!

So I think we're in for some hot cocoa, Playstation, and origami. Will welcome suggestions for cabin-fever prevention ideas.

Sigh.

2005-01-03T13:25:00.000-06:00

When I went to feed and water our finches this morning, I discovered Thistle, our original zebra finch matriarch, dead at the bottom of her cage, apparently of natural causes. She's now had a proper birdy burial in the yard next to Rose and Baby Miracle, two rare Gouldian finches who succumbed last year to a genetic problem of some sort. Bummer of a day. Icky weather AND a death in the pet family. Haven't decided yet if I'll tell the kids when they get home, or just wait to see if they notice. We have a lot of finches, and they do look rather similar. . . .

Still, I'm pretty bummed about the poor darling. She was a good momma bird.

How to guarantee a snow day

2005-01-02T21:37:00.000-06:00

Well, the weather forecaster has predicted freezing rain all night, so there's a possibility that ice will extend winter vacation an extra day for my kids tomorrow. Just to make sure, they have taken the following precautions, which I pass along for the benefit of children everywhere:

To bring about a snow day, sleep with your pajamas on inside out and a fork under your pillow.

I'll let you know tomorrow if their strategy was successful.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Update 1/3/05: They're in school today, but it's raining like crazy, and a major ice storm is predicted in the next day or two. Maybe if they had slept with barbecue tongs under their pillows, or pickle forks, or some other variation on the theme. . . we'll let you know when we have it perfected!

Here we go!

2005-01-01T19:59:00.000-06:00

The new year is off and running. I'll get my kids back tomorrow, a few hours earlier than scheduled, apparently, since their father needs to change things around to get back to work the following day. It kind of complicates my Sunday, since I had a lunch committee meeting scheduled for church, and now the kids'll get to sit through it with me, but oh, well, I can adapt.

I just want to post a link here to a page about stress for mothers of children with special needs, written by a woman whose child has a rare skin disorder:
http://www.sleepingangel.com/smc_oct02.htm "Special Mommy Chronicles"

Seeing in the New Year

2004-12-31T17:48:00.000-06:00

I'm off to usher in the new year in a sedate evening at the home of some friends, since the kids are still away until Sunday. Went to see Meet the Fockers today, which was good, but not as fantastic as the first movie, but then how could it have been? I have to admit to missing the children a bit-- remind me I said that when they've been home a couple of weeks, okay?

Here's a fun kids' activity

2004-12-30T14:06:00.000-06:00

We did this with my daughter's Daisy Girl Scout Troop a few years ago. Each girl assembled a time capsule, to be stored by her parents and given to her in 25 years. The troop dues paid for a cheap plastic shoebox-sized storage container, local street map, and a current issue of a national news magazine. The girls were asked to bring family pictures and other mementos that they wanted to put in the box. Suggestions were small toys, a copy of a favorite book, samples of recent schoolwork, etc. I also prepared, in advance, a little gazette with data I had looked up on the internet. I included the current Dow Jones, which was then over 10,000, the prices for a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread, and a gallon of gas, and the price of the average home and a new computer in our area. There were articles about American culture in that year, and what movies were playing in theaters, what shows were on TV, etc. The girls also filled in a page telling about their own families, and their personal favorites, and what they thought their lives would be like 25 years in the future. When the girls had all their information and contents assembled in the boxes, we sealed them with clear tape and labeled them "DO NOT OPEN UNTIL (DATE)" so the parents could take them home and hide them away.

I know by the time my daughter is 30 and I give her that box, she'll have forgotten ALL about it. What a treat it will be for her to open it and get a glimpse of herself at that age.!

Advocating for your kids

2004-12-30T13:46:00.000-06:00

Here is a portion of a letter I sent to my daughter's fifth-grade teacher recently:

"Dear (teacher name):
(Daughter)’s backpack weighed 35.5 pounds when she brought it home last night, so we have split the load into two backpacks. She has already suffered neck problems, despite the fact that she has developed her strength through ballet training, so she is not to carry such a weight on her back, ever.
According to the International Chiropractic Pediatric Association (ICPA):
'*The proper maximum weight for loaded backpacks should not exceed 15% of the child's body weight. For example, an 80-pound child should not carry more than 12 pounds in a pack. If the pack forces the carrier to bend forward, it is overloaded.'
Following their guidelines, (Daughter)’s backpack should weigh 12.9 pounds or less.
Another guideline from the ICPA states: 'An empty roller bag can weigh up to 80% more than an empty backpack. Factor in that there is a tendency to add more things to a roller bag, it can end up weighing 50 pounds or more. At some point during the day, a child needs to lift that bag, and proper guidelines still should be followed.' (Teacher had recommended students get roller bags to handle heavy loads.)
Pursuant to the school homework guidelines, I stopped (Daughter) after she had worked a little longer than 50 minutes last night, so she could get to bed at a reasonable hour. She had already attended piano lessons and Girl Scouts."

The teacher has started sending copies of pages, rather than whole textbooks, home for some subjects, and the heavy backpack problem has not recurred.

Black Fruitcake

2004-12-28T16:51:00.000-06:00

This recipe comes from Favorite Recipes of Episcopal Churchwomen, copyright 1968. I've never tried it, but it sure sounds interesting!

2 lb. seedless raisins
2 lb. currants
1 lb. citron (optional)
1 lb. flour, sifted
1 lb. butter
1 lb. sugar
8 eggs
1 T. mace
1 oz. nutmeg
1 T. rose extract
1 tumbler black syrup
1 c. coffee

Wash fruit and dry thoroughly. Mix with flour; let stand overnight. Stir butter and sugar well together. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add spices and rose extract, half of the fruit and flour, molasses and coffee in order. Add remaining fruit and flour. Bake in well-greased paper-lined steeple pan at 250 to 280 degrees for about 10 hours. Test with fork. May be topped with desired icing.

More good stuff for kids

2004-12-28T09:44:00.000-06:00

Okay, thought I would post a few more snippets about things that have been a valuable part of my children's life, in case they are useful to anyone else:

Ocean Journey is an indoor aquarium in Denver. This place is worth a trip-- my kids really enjoyed petting rays, horseshoe crabs, and other aquatic creatures. We got to watch the archer fish feeding, and we even lucked out on our visit and saw the painted lobsters molting.

Wonderscope Children's Museum is a small, interactive, children's art and science museum in the Kansas City area. This is a good place to take your kids and just let them run free and be creative.

Big Brothers Big Sisters My daughter has really benefitted from being in this program. She was paired with a wonderful volunteer who was very well matched to her. Her little brother has just decided he wants to sign up, too. I'd encourage any single parent to look into this program.

In the aftermath. . . .

2004-12-26T11:30:00.000-06:00

Sent the kids off to be with their dad for a week. . . .

Last night, I spent some time showing daughter how to use "real" pastels, so she wouldn't color with them like crayons or chalk and use them up too fast. We practiced different techniques like blending colors and using a light touch, layering things and not giving up on a picture you don't like. I told her to keep working with something and make it into something she did like: "You're the artist-- you're in charge." It was great fun-- I hadn't touched pastels in probably 20 years, so it felt really great to work with some good, toothy paper again, after so long. Makes me want to get my own set, since I know she would be very upset if I used hers all up while she was out of town!

Son has explored 3 of the 4 new PS2 games he got. I think Simpsons Hit and Run is his favorite. It encourages scandalously antisocial behavior, and I'm rather suprised at how my sweet, innocent little boy has taken to it. I never would have thought he'd enjoy quite as much running up to little old ladies in front of the Kwik-E-Mart and kicking them for no reason! I guess he finds it such fun BECAUSE he is ordinarily an uber-good-boy. I will admit right here that this is a T for Teen game, but I went ahead and bought it for him because he was already well familiar with it from playing at a friend's house. Don't bother scolding me in the comments for being a bad mom; I don't care what you think on this one.

I would like to see comments from people who are experienced in making FRUITCAKE. As I mentioned in an earlier post, my cousins and I are planning to start that tradition next year, so I thought I might as well start collecting recipes now. Got any favorites to share? Any fruitcake making tips or stories?

Christmas Highlights

2004-12-25T18:56:00.000-06:00

After a very, very late night at church (home around 2 a.m.), the kids let me sleep until 7:15, which was later than I expected. We had all our presents opened by 8:45, because we waited to eat breakfast until after that important duty was dispatched.

Favorite presents:
Son: Sony Playstation 2
Daughter: Rembrandt Pastels
Me: Whole bunch of clothes from Chico's
Grandpa: Mainspring winder for his clock workshop

At lunchtime, we went to my cousin's house, and feasted on duck a l'orange and spinach lasagna, among other things. It was a great afternoon to sit around and talk, catching up on family news with people we don't see nearly often enough, even though they don't live far away at all. We made plans to have a fruitcake-baking hen party next Fall, to get the gang together for a productive, educational, and delicious purpose.

Now we're edging out of the holiday mood as I try to get the kids packed for their visit with Daddy. Not a lot of fun. They'd rather vacuum, or eat mushrooms, or practice spelling words, I think; anything but pack!

Good magazines for kids

2004-12-24T15:20:00.000-06:00

When the mail came today, it occurred to me I might post a list of some of the magazines my kids have really enjoyed reading:

AmericanGirl My daughter says: "This is a good influence on young girls. They've got the coolest crafts. They have great tips on parties, sleepovers, and fun things like that." I like it because it isn't all preoccupied with make-up and boys.

Boys' Life My kids say, "They have good comics, good interviews, and they always have good jokes."

National Geographic Kids My son says, "I like it because it has lots of puzzles and stuff. The pictures are good." My daughter says, "They have really cool interviews with the people that played in the latest movies. They have a lot of information about nature and about the world."

Nickelodeon (1-800-947-7052) My son and daughter say, "This is funny! It's a good magazine with good jokes." I have to agree that it's very funny, especially if you aren't too hung up about fart jokes and other toilet humor. I like it because I try to instill a healthy lack of respect for authority in my kids. :-)

My Son's Third Grade Essay

2004-12-22T09:05:00.000-06:00

I thought this was some pretty fine writing for a third grader, but then I may be a little biased. Wanted to share because I'm proud:

My Christmas Essay
By (My Son)

I’m looking forward to going to (State) with my dad. It barely snows or rains there. I like going there because I usually get to see a movie while I’m there. I’m going there the day after Christmas.

Before I go to (State), I open my presents on the 25th. I hope I’ll get a game for my GameBoy. I also hope I’ll get a game system like a Nintendo GameCube. My sister wants one, too.

We’re going to church on Christmas Eve, but we have to wait to open presents until the next day. I don’t want to wait that long to open presents! Our tree has very old ornaments on it, and lots of presents under it already. I already know what one of them is, but I wasn’t peeking on purpose; I saw it on accident.

When I come back to school from Christmas break, I will get to see my friends again. I will tell them that I got to go to (State) during my break, and that I got cool presents. I will find out what they have been doing, and what presents they got. Then I will start counting the days to next Christmas.

Still here!

2004-12-21T15:19:00.000-06:00

Well, I made it through my surgery just fine. The kids ended up going to the hospital and waiting with Grandpa in the waiting room, since I couldn't find anybody to watch them at home. They were fine, with a GameBoy and some good books to read. Before I was taken back to surgery, I was pretty anxious, and a nice nurse could see that, so she brought me tissues and talked with me a little. At first she thought I was scared of something going wrong, just for my own sake, but I explained to her that I wasn't worried for ME, but for my kids. It felt good to tell her about what I was feeling, and to have her reassurances that I was going to be okay. As I was being wheeled back into surgery, I saw a good friend from church who is a nurse in the same surgical unit-- I took that as a sign that God was watching over me.

When I woke up in the recovery room, I felt full of joy-- glad that I had come through it alright, glad that the pain was manageable, and relieved that my kids stil had a mom! I can't imagine how scary it must have been for them, waiting and wondering. I have a renewed appreciation for my calling as a mother, now that I've confronted general anesthesia, and my fears about not being there for my children. I've done a little soul-searching, as I prepared for this surgery, and I realize that the thing that drives me, in almost all things, is being there for my kids. That was what I was thinking when I took self-defense training, too. I'm not going to let someone take me away from my kids! Pain? I've had plenty of that before; doesn't scare me much. Loss, ditto. Just don't do it to my kids-- then you'll have a mad momma grizzly bear on your hands!

Life with a bipolar child

2004-12-19T13:58:00.000-06:00

Lately, my daughter, who has bipolar disorder, has been in one of her difficult states, but she seems finally to be heading out of it. For her, the main signs of these rough periods are sleep difficulties, hyperactivity, belligerence, and general moodiness. This is when she tends to be critical of herself, especially of her appearance. The last couple of nights, she has had trouble falling asleep and has sneaked out of bed to go into other rooms, usually the bathroom, and mess around destructively to entertain herself. We haven't had a period like this in a couple of years-- her meds have been in very good adjustment. Back when she first started having these episodes, she gradually dug a two-by-three-foot hole into the sheet rock in her bedroom wall over the course of only a few days. She has also destroyed carpets, torn the wood veneer off doors and carved her initials into antique furniture. The main thing to do when one of these phases hits is to wait it out. We can make some minor adjustments in her medication, but anything too drastic risks setting her off on a greater mood swing in the opposite direction. Getting her back into a regular sleep schedule is crucial, but difficult, especially since she has had a bad reaction to the one sleep medication that was working well for her before. Still, if she can get settled into bed early a night or two in a row, that seems to work a world of good in getting her back to normal. I suspect that this latest episode may have arisen after such a long time of normalcy due to hormonal changes-- she just recently experienced menarche.

Letting Go. . . .

2004-12-16T13:36:00.000-06:00

From the moment you discover you are going to be a mother, you begin to dream about your child, creating a fantasy life full of hopes and aspirations for the future. You spend weeks or months, perhaps, decorating a nursery for a little prince or princess, and form all sorts of ideas in your head about what you want life to be like for your little angel. Once that baby comes, though, it doesn't take long before you learn that motherhood is about letting go.

Children have their own ideas about who they will become, and sooner or later, they assert themselves. Little darlings stop wearing Polly Flinders dresses in favor of jeans with torn knees. Little gentlemen get rambunctious and turn ANYTHING into a toy weapon. They turn up their nose at your favorite colors and foods, and make their own choices. . . .

And then there are the more difficult losses. Perfect children don't really exist-- there are learning disabilities, bipolar disorder, severe allergies, physical disabilities, all different kinds of frailties of life to be adjusted to. As a mother, you have to grieve the loss of your long-hoped-for perfect child, and accept and love the real, actual child you have been given. You learn that your children are wonderful as they are, and you discover new strength inside yourself, as you face unexpected challenges. A mother discovers that it is easily possible to love each child, disabled or not, with her whole heart.

Barbie's influence on young girls

2004-12-12T15:02:00.000-06:00

My daughter is a self-proclaimed "girly-girl." Though she has sort of outgrown Barbie herself, she had her Barbie, Bratz, and Groovy Girls phases, each in their turn. She has idolized Britney Spears (thankfully no more), Christina Aguilera, and Hilary Duff. She is a ten-year-old sponge, sucking up society's messages about what it means to be a girl and to be pretty in the 21st century. Her favorite colors are pink, powder blue, and lilac, and she thinks her two prettiest friends at school are the ones who happen to be naturally platinum blonde. My daughter, though beautiful, thinks of herself as a very ugly duckling. Instead of white-blonde Barbie hair, she has a gorgeous strawberry blonde/ light auburn. Her eyes are deep coffee brown, instead of baby blue, and her complexion is peaches and cream with coral-colored lips. Any objective person would look and her and see a future heart-breaker. But this child cries herself to sleep some nights, wailing because she is so ugly.

I have taken her to an image consultant to have her "colors" done-- she is a "warm autumn" and she really glows in the coppery, fall colors in her swatch kit. We sifted through her wardrobe and eliminated everything from the wrong palette, then went shopping for lots of new items that were in her best colors. She receives compliments every time she wears her colors, from all sorts of people. But she still LIKES pink, because it is a girly-girl color, so she doesn't always wear what looks best on her, and she resents people who naturally look good in pink, because it isn't fair. Helping this girl to accept and love herself as she is, is going to be my mission as a mother for the next few years, I believe. This is one of the major challenges of raising any young girl to a healthy, happy adulthood.

Just telling her, over and over again, that she really is pretty and a wonderful person, won't give her real self-esteem. Our schools are aleady full of misguided notions about pumping up self-esteem artificially for students. It doesn't do them any good. People have to earn legitimate good feelings about themselves through their accomplishments. Right now, my daughter takes piano lessons, as well as dance. She has had some opportunities to perform both arts in front of audiences, and each year, the dance studio has pictures taken of the dancers in their costumes. This will give her the opportunity to watch herself mature, I'm hoping with a little more objective eye.

It sure would help if Barbie would quit bleaching her hair, though.

He did it!

2004-12-11T15:01:00.000-06:00

Well, it wasn't easy, but my son got his yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do today. He was nervous, so he had to do one of the forms a second time, and he had to do pushups because he didn't know my birthday, but he passed! I think the whole thing was probably more stressful for me than it was for him, actually.

We had a lot of fun watching the yellow belts, who were testing for orange, because they were trying to break boards by kicking them. The parents who were observing through the window really got into this and were cheering and clapping whenever someone was successful.

We celebrated with a big lunch of macaroni and cheese, at my son's request, and now we're off to the store for a new GameBoy game, since he earned enough points at school for completing his assignments, too. He's having a banner day!

My son's school work anxiety

2004-12-10T08:58:00.000-06:00

My son has terrible anxiety about getting his homework done, and about doing his work right, and we have tried all different approaches to help him relax and worry less about things. Finally, I hit on an idea that seems to have made a tremendous difference. I noticed that he was confident and relaxed in Tae Kwon Do class, and that before they did each exercise, there was a series of movements that ended in a "preparedness posture" with both arms straight in front, fists together, pointing down. At home, I asked my son to show me that part, and explain to me what it felt like to him to do it. In 8-year-old words we talk about being "ready to get the job done." Then I had him think about what it might be like to do that same thing just in his head, without actually moving his body. It took a little practice, but he got his mind around the concept, and soon was able to show me on his face what it looked like to "think through" the steps. Next I had him practice sitting down to a table with paper on it, while he did the mental steps, as if his paper were an opponent. The next day, he went to school prepared to tackle each assignment like a great Tae Kwon Do warrior, and he FINISHED EVERY ASSIGNMENT FOR THE FIRST TIME ALL YEAR. Nobody in class had a clue what he wsa doing differently, because he looked the same from the outside. Ever since, he has been getting almost all of his work done at school, and his anxiety level in general has gone waaaaaay down. I'm so proud of that boy!

Putting up the tree

2004-12-09T21:24:00.000-06:00

We set up our Christmas tree tonight, and for the first time, the kids hung all the ornaments. In the past, they have needed a lot more guidance so they didn't end up all in one big clump on one side. I guess my babies are growing up, because the tree looks pretty nice, with ornaments evenly spaced all around, between the lights. They even managed with no broken ornaments! I think that's a first in a long time.

You know, my own mother passed away a little more than 4 years ago, and the first couple of Christmases without her weren't hard, really. She had been quite ill, so it was her time to go, when she did die, and a blessing, so our family had a real sense of peace. But now, this much farther on, I find myself thinking more and more about my mother, and missing her. My own children have grown so much since she saw them last. I like to think she can see them now, that she really is still with us "in spirit," but that's something I'll have to choose to believe without actual evidence, I suppose.

What a day!

2004-12-08T21:06:00.000-06:00

I'm goin' to bed early, as soon as I get done posting this. After work, I picked the kids up at school and whisked them straight to music lessons. Went right home from there and threw together some quick soup from scratch, which we all wolfed down in about 15 minutes, so Grandpa could run my son up to Tae Kwon Do class, while I took my daughter to a scout activity scheduled for the same time. I then drove to the grocery store, picked up a few essentials, and made it in time to pick son up at Tae Kwon Do, then cart him over to pick up Sis after scouts. Phew!

Time for the Mom-Taxi to pull into the garage for the night.

Fostering a love of literature

2004-12-07T15:24:00.000-06:00

My daughter is in a new program this year at her school that has turned out to be really neat. They're running a student Newbery Award committee made up of fifth- and sixth-graders, who will be voting and choosing a Newbery winner at the same time that the real committee makes its selection. Each child on the committee has to read at least 5 of the books on the Newbery nominee list to be eligible to vote. My daughter has really gotten excited about this program, and has devoured her books! I even read The People of Sparks at night after she went to bed-- it was wonderful. It will be interesting to see how these kids go through the voting process. The books that have been nominated are very diverse. Some are funny, some are historical fiction; I would think it would be very hard to weigh these books against each other.

I remember being in the Great Books program when I was a kid, and that program is still around, but not quite the way it was 30 years ago. (It's more fun, now!) I think it would have been more engaging, back then, to be able to evaluate the books and vote on them, too.

I'm learning alongside my kids

2004-12-06T22:01:00.000-06:00

I feel really blessed that I have the time, energy, and resources to participate in my kids' lives as fully as I do. We all take music lessons together, each studying a different instrument with a different teacher, but at the same music store, same time, same day of the week. That way, it saves car trips, I have something to do during their lessons, too, everybody benefits!

Another night of the week, while my daughter is in dance class, I am in the mommies' dance class in the adjacent studio. It's been fun having her coach me on some of the steps I've struggled with, since she has been taking tap a lot longer than I have. She gets to feel proud of her accomplishment, and we both get to bond over the experience.

Next month, I will start learning Tae Kwon Do. My classes will be while the kids are in school, except for Saturday mornings, when my son and I will be in class at the same time. He's taking his yellow belt test this Saturday, and he's already taught me some kicks and punches. I have been losing weight and getting in shape, and I know Tae Kwon Do will be a very good thing for me to get into. My son loves it, too, and it has been great for his self-confidence.

I think with these activities and scout troops for both kids, we're probably at our maximum now. No more new activities, unless something else goes.

Halloween, GonzoMommy-Style

2004-12-06T21:44:00.000-06:00

Last year for Halloween, I had tons of fun dressing up with one tooth blacked out and a big straw hat, overalls, freckles, and so on! I looked ridiculous, but the kids at school got a kick out of it when I showed up for the class party. Well, that was so much fun, I decided to take things to the next level this year. I saved up all our mismatched and outgrown socks and sewed them to an old shirt, saving some to make a crazy hat to go with it. I bought 24 pair of new, clean, cheap socks at a discount store and used those as treat bags for our Halloween loot. I put all the socks full of loot in a laundry basket and waited by the door. When the bell rang, I would lumber, Quasimodo-like, to the door and drag the basket over, saying, "I am Sock Monster! Happy Halloween! I have a sock for you." Then I gave each kid a sock. I wish I had a video of the looks on people's faces. The parents really laughed and kidded me about solving the mystery of all their family's missing socks, and a couple of kids said they didn't want socks, until I explained they had candy inside! It was the most fun I have EVER had on Halloween.

Next year, I think I'll be the Easter Bunny.

Fun with School Projects

2004-12-06T21:15:00.000-06:00

At my kids' elementary school, the third graders do a model and report on a landmark in Washington, D.C. When my daughter was in third grade, she wanted her project to stand out as different from all the others, so I guided her toward the Pentagon as her choice, which was a good idea, because she was the only kid in class who picked it. There were about 8 Washington Monuments, the easy choice. The fun part of our project was that we made our Pentagon out of cherry chip cake with vanilla icing! It was really pretty easy to make a 9 x 13 cake, cut it into fourths, short-ways, turn those rectangles into trapezoids for four of the sides, and construct the fifth side out of the scraps. It took one cake mix and three cans of frosting to finish the model. After my daughter did her oral presentation, the class ate her model, which was voted most popular, of course. To see a picture of our model, visit the following page: http://www.angelfire.com/rebellion/stopabusenow/pentagon.html

The next year, the fourth grade studied the solar system. Guess who made the moon out of green cheese? Not kidding, really! It was Sage Derby, and it was delicious!

Now my son is in third grade, so I'll have to think of something wacky for his Washington project. I just can't stand the idea of posterboard or stacks of sugar cubes glued together.